1st day without you ..

I thought it was all alrite when i registered you to SPCA for boarding .. You didnt seem to know whut is happening .. Dad felt so heavy hearted and that time i was OK .. I didnt feel as much that i thought i would feel .. weeping away sorrow .. That point when i leave you there i felt 'keberatan'.. but i went away at last .. Office and work has kept me busy not thinking about you ..

But its all coming to me when i reached home .. Daddy and mummy seems to miss you very much .. Our home now is much quieter without your barking sound ...Often i wonder how are you doing there .. Today you went thru nurture,and i hope you rest well .. Eventhough ppl says you will still be that aggresive somehow i hope you will change .. such that one day i will be able to see you again in our home .. I miss the way you climb up and look in through the windows .. ur happiness and waving tail waiting at the gate when we come back ..

I MISS YOU BLACKIE ..

i love you ... but at the same time i hate you ..

It was never easy to let you go .. Especially both of my parents .. Somehow i hope you manage to know how we felt .. Ive never seen my dad cry .. but i saw him cry for you ... and my mum's tear rolling down when she thinks about you..I have no right to determine hows your life should lead to..Ultimately we thought to just let you go in the wild .. hold ur life as ur own .. and today we found out that we can actually place you somewhere else and they can take care of you .. making sure that you get the food and care that you need .. that you wouldnt be put to sleep o staying beside roadside .. Mummy and daddy wouldnt be too worried how will you be ..

From the moment you bite my mum's hand and its the 3rd time .. there is no way that you are gonna stay in this house anymore .. no matter how we has loved you ..In this moment .. the feeling wasnt easy to bear .. Jus wan you to know that we do love you very much .. But you have hurt my mum and she is not the only one that has got bitten by you .. Eventually my dad and bro did and i was the only one who hasnt... Chances were given several times but this time the wound that is in my mum's hand is way to deep ..

Blackie,eventhough you are jus a dog .. i love you as much as i do as a human .. I pray that you will have a good life .. Make many frens in the centre that we r going to send you .. and well, remember us.. Blackie,I love you .. We love you .. .

Daddy fell ...

Yesterday when im in my dreamland sleeping,i heard 'Boom' sound .. at first i thought that was this renovation going on as opposite my place there is still apartment that is still under construction..Next thing i know my mum came knocking and shouting to me and my bro.. 'Daddy pengsan on the floor'... That is when i felt so awake at instant and it is 2.30a.m. i could still remember clearly and the images still running through my head even now .. when i open my door .. i saw across the room,my daddy is lying on the floor unconsciously .. But there is snoring sound coming from him .. My bro rush to my dad and i was still in my room looking across at him,panicked and couldn't move.And suddenly my bro shouted ' Got blood ' ..

That is when i got really paranoid and start dialling 999 .. my voice is so shaken when i talked to the officer..and my bro and mum was beside my dad try waking him up.my line was passed over to hospital call centre where they ask me alot of bullshit question than ever to say at instant to send the ambulance over... My bro overheard my conversation and said.. ' Ill send daddy to hospital. he is awake .. Dont need their ambulance .. we r faster.. That instant i put down the phone and get ready to rush to hospital ..

Daddy has been woken up by my bro,but he couldn't remember what happen and why he end up being there .. I was so so worried and he went to toilet before getting in the car.. and that point of time i was still paranoid.. i am still not sure whether will he suddenly faint again o whatever .. things came pouring into my mind and i couldn't think straight.. I called Kenneth and he rushed over to the hospital...We reach hospital in jus less than10 min .. i guided my dad in and rush over to tell the nurse what happen .. and he was send into the room..When i was there,my mind is still stuck and im still worry and scared .. he faint .. there must b something wrong ..

He had his brain x-ray at 3am..and he got benjol behind his head..It is quite serious for a not so young guy like him that u knock behind ur head .. while waiting for the x ray result,i couldn't talk.. i couldn't think .. i was purely scared .. scared wat if the result shows something negative? i am a person who cry easily but yesterday,i didnt.. it is because what i felt is far worst .. 15 min later,report is out,doc ask us to go in .. and we r blessed that the x ray is normal .. and that is when i pull a weak smile ..

Daddy had been admitted to the hospital..when he was admitted he has fever and also high blood .. It was nearly 5am when everythin is so called settle.. I went back pack some stuff for daddy and bring it for him .. had my work done in the office and spend the rest of the day to accompany him .. doc came in and check .. had him x ray on the chest and doc advised him to stay overnite and discharge this morning for observation.. Daddy like most old man .. doesnt like to stay overnite in the hospital .. who like to stay overnight there anyway? But for his health and make sure he is really okay before he come back home,i encouraged him to stay there awhile more .. That night i accompany my daddy overnighting at the hospital.. kept him company such that he dont feel lonely ..

This morning .. doc came in and check saying daddy is well to do .. but his breathing is still weak on the right .. cause of the cough ...but nothing serious .. he was so happy when he know that he can go back .. i felt relief ... but i still worry about him .. i am glad that he is okay now .. this incident really shocked me and it also made me realize stronger that appreciate every moment with daddy and everyone around me .. 活在当下，珍惜眼前人..

Zainal Abidin- Hijau

Currently this is the song that i always listen too .. somehow it captured my heart .. This song is from 1989..it has been 21 years and i came to kno this song when Kenneth sang it in karaoke .. I found this meaningful ... lets preserve our world to b a better place .. especially when we are facing global warming and environmental issue now .. Song,somehow can bring msg to everyone .. Enjoy .. =)

Fren's mum passing ...

This morning when i was waiting for my haircut appointment,i got a call saying my fren's mum has passed away .. Cancer is the culprit.. Back then when im in high school,i met her mum a few times.. She is a very generous and kind lady..Cant help but felt sadden by this loss .. This news has quite impacted me in a way .. This news came unexpected .. too fast ...If i can feel so sad,i cant imagine how would my fren would have felt .. Jus hope that she will stay strong and take care of herself..and we will be there whenever you need our support ..R.i.p auntie ..

Kenneth's grandpa 100 days ..

Its been exactly 100 days since his grandpa passed away .. Ever since dat,he is sort of not allowed to enter my house .. (some old folks tradition) .. Went to Seremban yest,wake up 5 plus this morning gettin ready for 100 days ceremony at Nirvana Semenyih .. I'm lucky to be able to meet his grandpa when he is still alive back then .. a good soul with warm heart .. Eventhough when i meet him,he barely recognize anyone (he is 99 years old) .. And that was the last time that i ever get to meet him ..

A very new experience for me in this 100 days ceremony.. As Hokkien's tradition,we do it in quite a 'flamboyant' (not sure what suitable word to use) way .. alots of ceremony,stuffs and bla bla bla .. Well,at least i learn how to tanam pineapple today .. Well i guess this is the biggest learning for me today .. haha!will try it myself and see the results .. His whole family + all his uncles and aunties were there .. and they were pretty cool .. funny .. good sense of humour .. I'm sure his grandpa will be very happy to see the whole family together and will take care and watch out for them from above ..

beautiful chat ..

Had a talk with Kenneth jus now in the car for almost 20 min (approx) .. We had chats about our relationship , where is it heading to,our breakdowns, miscommunications and our beloved DRAMA'S .. Funnily enough that we can discuss it openly and laughing all the way in having both of us laughing at ourself on how silly we can be..

There come a point of time i told him ... I miss you being so romantic and putting down the ego to pujuk me .. where is that you? no more geh .. and he laugh .. and said that he is kayu and apparently when he did all those funny lil romantic thingy that i actually didnt give any reaction thats why he sien liao .. dont wanna do already .. (oh damn!!)

We both talk about our arguements .. Last time use to be 7days a week and now it has been improved .. average 1 arguement per week .. why the breakdown? both point finger at each other lo .. and he say 'you think i donno you ah .. i kno you well enough to kno how you will react everytime ..

I guess i really love this conversation .. being open and laugh at ourself and correct all the mistake and breakdown along the way to create better relationship in the future .. no arguement,no deep understanding about each other ..

i'm blessed to have a bf that love me for who am i .. care for me enough to know me so well in person, to accept my goods and bads , mood swings, tsunami swings, whatever swings that i have .. what more can i ask for? oh ya .. romantic bf ... that he say he stopped being because i got no reaction when he is being romantic .. mayb i should have some reaction then?mayb? hm.. will think about it ..