Monday, April 26, 2010


If i can, I wish this page of blog that i'm writting now,i would like to write it in Mandarin.This 2 days especially today .. It had been one of the hardest day for me to go through by far..I thought everything happen for a reason. I try to rationalize it.All this while ive been to idealistic.Everyone around tell me,when you do good,ppl will do good back to you..But how true is dat in the real world?Especially in biz world.Sometime i would have thought that am i suitable to be in biz given that im naive and idealistic.This question had been running through my mind the whole day today..In my mind,do my best dont care about whut ppl say or backstabbed..But is it when you do good,people will appreciate?and never backstabbed you?and never do something to pull you down?Im realistic in a way,everyone is good.. I still think it is though .. but agenda happens different times proven otherwise.. In jus 1 days, I came to discover alot of things that ive never thought i will be going through ..people say thing that can make u die,only will make you stronger.. I know im strong enough to go through this .. And i will succeed ..

Being too emotional wouldnt be good.. Being too realistic woouldnt be good either.. Im struggling to go through this i must admit. Reason being? Ive no idea..Sometimes i would wish that im would be more clever,be able not to feel bad and sad.. But what im sad is,why human being can be so selfish? Why it is not about teamwork?Why isnt it about helping and supporting each other but rather I'll make sure you die such that i can conquer everything?I envy you do good,therefore i must pull you down and create some problem to you .. SURVIVAL MODE .. I always remind myself that human being are born good..There will be one day that i will see a community that talks about peace,supporting ... But other than whut i see now.. its otherwise.. How long more that i can keep the believe that everyone is good when everything that happen its against whut i believe? i donno .. Mayb some ppl will say that im stupid to have a thought like dat .. its does sounds stupid but i do believe.. If the world is like this, it will be a better place to live in .. no more wars,no global warming ... Mayb this is idealistic..

I admit today everything seems to fall on today .. in every aspect of my life.. Change it to another perspective,its a good thing as if it not whut happen to day .. it will not make me realize and grow ..Every incidence is a chance to learn.. Deep in my heart,im really really hurt and my eyes is watery when i wrote this blog .. It was not planned.. I jus write whutever i feel like writing.. Had a jog in the evening .. was so commited to making it happen no matter what and yes i did jog .. Its the only time for me today to really relax and try to find peace with myself.. Im feeling very very 'san fu' ..And i let this feeling in .. It hurts .. I got to let it in to be able to let it go ...Keep telling myself I'm gonna be okay ..and I will ...

I questioned myself .. is it normal to go through this?or is it jus im stupid enough not to cope on this?How do i go through this,o in another way,how do i handle this?Trust? What is trust?Support?In the real world especially in biz,is there any?Backstabbing?An activity that everyone is interested in?Betray?I think it came in a package wit trust..I feel like im being blindfolded.. I donno whats that anymore .. Question is .. is it im the one who has change? or is this the time i came to see the real realistic world?

What i want is always simple .. I guess it has never change ever since..I hope this world is a place where there is no hatred,betrayal,selfishness and everyone living the moment purely without ever need to calculate will other ppl harming in any way ..

As far as it seems,from idealistic going through realistic is not a smooth process.I got to stay strong.By the end of it,the only thing that i want is when I'm in this realistic world,i dont get drift and blindfolded by it ... I'm still the same old Jynnie Tan that everyone used to know ..

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